Without you
by Gabriella1
Summary: The first of a couple part story....very typical, Mamoru dies and Usagi copes by leaving Japan
1. Proluge: A day for tears

A Day for Tears

A Day for Tears 

By: Gabriella 

  
Sailor Moon Fan Fic  
Fiction Romance/Angst...PG (just to safe)   
Characters: Usagi, Mamoru, Rei, Mina   
Summary: The day of Mamo-chan's funeral has Usagi leaving Tokyo with Usagi angry with Rei for being the cause of Mamo's death. Prologue/Part one to longer story line?   
Disclaimer: I do not own Usagi, Mamo, Rei, Mina, Chibi, or the picture at the bottom.   
A/N: This is my first real, honest to goodness Fan Fic (I don't count Mon Dieu because it "happens" in PIM) so any reviews would be nice. Even flames. But don't be too harsh. ^__^ on with the story! Big Mamo/Usagi Fluff.  


~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

Usagi looked at the crowd, which gathered around Mamo-chan's gravesite. Cold tears slid down her cheeks, mingling with the rain from the shower that appropriately appeared as they lower Mamoru's coffin. _Oh my Mamo-chan! How could this happen?! Mamoru, it was suppose to be you and me ruling Crystal Tokyo! Oh gods, I'm a widow before I marry!_ Usagi looked across the coffin to where the rest of the Inner Senshi stood. Rei's cold face boiled Usagi's blood despite her tears. It was Rei's fault they were here today. If Rei gave a damn about Crystal Tokyo or the Senshi, she wouldn't had attack the monster with Mamo so close!  
"Usagi...Usagi...are you alright?" Minako looked at Usagi with anxiety. Since Mamoru's death five days ago, Usagi hadn't said or eaten anything. Pale circles had formed under her friends once crystal blue eyes. The soon to be Neo-queen Serenity's eyes that once held mischief and happiness where now dull and lifeless.   
"What? Yes Mina-chan I will be." The miserable blonde turned away from Minako and the other senshi that had moved next to them. Silently, they all stood at the grave for minutes, lost in personal thoughts.

  
_~Minako~   
Mamoru... I can't believe you're actually gone. How can Crystal Tokyo and Chibi be if you're dead? Poor Usagi! She must be heart-broken... She'll miss you so much. Wait for her Mamo. Wait for Usagi.   
~Rei~   
I'm sorry Mamo-chan. I'm so sorry. I should have been watching what I was doing. Usagi has every right to blame me. I miss you already. I can't bear to call Usagi Meatball head because she'll think of you and what I did.   
~Usagi~ _  
_Mamo! Mamo Mamo Mamo Mamo! You can't be gone! How can I live without you rescuing me in the last minute or calling me Meatball Head? Oh Mamo I love you so much. I don't want to live with out you ever!_

  
Each of the Senshi slipped away quietly, almost anxious to get away from the sullen mood and rain. Usagi stood stapled to the ground afront of Mamo's gave, her black dress sticking to her body like a new layer of skin. Reading the gravestone another time, new tears fell from her eyes. Falling forward, she collapsed on top of the grave, her upper body clinging to the engraved stone, her body trembling from cold and sobs. The clearing was deserted, any mourners driven away by the rain.   
"Usagi"   
Startled by the soft voice, Usagi lifted her head to look at Rei. Angrily, her crystal eyes harden into twin diamonds. Getting up, Usagi straightened the hem of her mud-soaked dress.   
"What do you want now Rei?"   
"Usagi…I'm sorry, I truly am! Mamoru was like a brother to me. I'm sorry. I know it's not enough and it will never be enough but please forgive me." The normally angry raven-haired beauty gazed at her once best friend remorsefully, her eyes pleading for forgiveness. Rain drops had also soaked Rei's funeral garb, clothes that were nothing like her temple clothes nor her school uniform.   
"It doesn't bring Mamoru back does it now?" Usagi's cold tone surprised Rei. Normally Usagi would forgive her. But then, it's not normally I kill her soul mate, she thought ruefully.   
"Usagi, please don't hold this grudge! It wont help anyone but those that want the Senshi spilt up!"   
Straightening her posture, Usagi looked at Rei again, her expression off from her, quote unquote, normal angry expression. It was her eyes that Rei noticed first. Even when she was angry, the lighter-than-sky blue eyes held a mischievous glimmer. Now, they had a mad, even extreme glare. Usagi's smooth smile had a sneer in the left corner. As Usagi spoke, her voice cracked on the edge of tears….or insanity. "You know what? I'm going to tell you a story. It's a about this girl. She was destined to the queen of a place called Crystal Tokyo. She and four of her friends had to fight the Negaverse first though. They were called the Sailor Scouts. This little girl was called Sailor Moon and her friends were Sailor Mercury, Venus, Jupiter and Mars. The girls had an ally named Tuxedo Kamen. Sailor Moon fell madly in love with Tuxedo and he likewise. It turns out Tuxedo Kamen was to be Sailor Moons husband in Crystal Tokyo. Well they happily battled the Negaverse, until one day. Tuxedo and the girls were fighting a monster when Mars used her strongest attack on the monster just as Tuxedo attacked him. Tuxedo was dead by Mars's hand. Mars quickly disappeared after the battle then appears at his funeral and asks for, and you won't believe this, forgiveness from Sailor Moon! Now Sailor Moon has a choice. She can forgive her best friend for killing her soul mate on the day he proposed to her or she can turn away and never see her friend again. What do you think she would do?"   
Silent for a moment, Rei closed her eyes, shocked to learn why both Mamoru and Usagi had been so happy. They were officially engaged. Fresh tears traveled down marked streams. Today was a day of tears. "Usagi...please. It's all I can ask from you. I don't know what I was thinking that day. I love both you and Mamoru. Don't leave the Scouts. Chibi needs you. I need you."   
"Rei, don't you get it? I hate you! If you were to die today I would dance! I hope I never have to see your face again! And i'll leave you, the scouts AND Tokyo!" Usagi turned around and gave once last look at her beloved's grave. The site was already engraved into her mind as the place she and Mamoru had first made love. It seemed so long ago to her now. Another life almost. Glaring at Rei as she went past her once friend, Usagi walked away from the forest clearing, to an awaiting taxi.   



	2. Promises

Chapter One: Promises

** Chapter One  
Promises**

  
Usagi tossed and turned all night. She knew it was her last night in Tokyo and her last night in Mamoru's apartment. Sleepless, she threw the covers off and got up. Wrapping the black bath robe tightly around her, Usagi went out to the balcony. _Mamo…I miss you so much. Why couldn't it have been me that was killed? It feels like a nightmare._ Below her, the sounds of Tokyo's night life lay before her. Memories floated through Usagi's mind. Pictures of her and Mamo dancing brought a small smile to her face. Usagi knew she'd never forget her Endiymon but she knew the pain wouldn't take her breath away forever. Looking up, Usagi looked at the sparkling night sky and the full shining moon. Whispering, Usagi smiled again. "I'll never forget you Mamo. We'll be together in Crystal Tokyo. Somehow." Looking down again, Usagi realized how easy a jump over the would be. _ Could I be so desperate that I'd actually kill myself? No. I won't. But I would be with Mamo again. _ Inadvertently, her body lifted her bare foot into a space between the decorative brick of the balcony. Even before she could finish thinking, Usagi found herself standing at the edge of ledge.  
"Usagi…Don't…I want to talk to you." Breathless, Usagi looked behind her, giving a small shriek at the sight of Mamoru. His dark hair shimmering blue in the drenching moonlight. Concerned blue eyes looked at her, his arms open for her to run into. His all white attire shone against the dark backing of the apartment. Jumping back on to the floor of the balcony, Usagi ran into his arms, enveloping in a bear hug.  
"Mamoru! Oh my gods! You're…I…We…You're dead!" Looking up to study his face, she gave a sight of relief, hoping that her first thoughts of a nightmare be true. His blue eyes warmly drank her in, the few days he spent away from had felt like a lifetime.  
"Come inside Usako, I have much to tell you." With his arm around her shoulders, they walked into the apartment.  


~*~

  
"Usako, I am dead." Blinking, Usagi felt herself sink into the plush couch. Mamoru sat across from her on the love seat, seeming totally comfortable sitting in his apartment even though he is dead. "I have to talk to you. My Usako-chan, I can't let you stay mad at Rei. Rei never meant to hurt me. She is dying on the inside because her best friend hates her. Forgive her please my Serenity."  
Disgusted, Usagi stood up angrily shouting, "You're Chad aren't you?! Don't you see that she's using you!" The calm that had temporarily settled over her was gone. "She's a murder and you still defend her!"  
Jumping up with Usagi, Mamoru rushed towards her, grabbing her shoulders and shaking her once. "Do I look like Chad to you?! It's me Usagi! I love you and I can't stand to see you hating someone so close to you!"  
Sobbing once again, Usagi shook her head. "Mamo, you're dead don't you know that? I'm leaving Tokyo too."  
Letting Usagi go, Mamoru sighed. "You don't really believe that it's I do you?" Leaning forward, he gently kissed Usagi on the lips before stepping back. "Good bye my usako. Remember I'll always love you. Good Bye."   
Before she knew it, he was gone. Was it a dream she had, to comfort herself? Looking at the still open balcony door, Usagi watched the sun rise. She had to get to the airport soon.  



	3. Goodbye Toyko

Chapter 2  
Good Bye Tokyo  
  
Looking at the striking blonde hair women with stunningly crystal blue eyes, Josh smiled to himself. Obviously by the way she acted, the lady was new to traveling. Scooping up his jacket and cappuccino, he intercepted the blonde just as she reached the end of the terminal. Quickly, he checked himself out with a window. Sure enough, his brown-blonde hair was spike messily from waking up late. Tapping the women on the shoulder, he smiled politely. BR  
"Hello…ma'am?"BR  
Turning around, Usagi almost ran into the disarmingly handsome stranger. Oh my god this is not a good sign. First I woke up late and now I'm running into strangers. "Hello…Can I help you?" BR  
"Actually I was wondering I could help you…you seem to have to many things to carry and I only have this coat."BR  
"Umm…well I'm not sure…it's not like I'm overly-protective of my things but… I'm not sure if you're some crazy stalker." Blushing furiously Usagi realized she had mismatching shoes on.   
"Well I'll introduce myself and then you'll know if I'm a crazy stalker." Josh grinned and took a suitcase from Usagi. "I'm Joshua Petershim but my friends call me Josh. I was in Japan for a three week trip and now I'm going home to Georgia."  
Usagi relented her bag to him, mildly surprised to find that Joshua was going to the same place as she was. "I'm Usagi Tsukino. I'm moving to the South East United States."  
"Really what part of the South? My family used to drive all around the area to see relatives."  
"Georgia…I think Savannah." Usagi looked down again, getting annoyed with her mismatching shoes. Josh's light brown hair was nothing like the dark satiny hair of Mamo's. Stop it Usagi. Just stop it. The blonde chided herself You know that Mamo would be so mad if he knew you're comparing everything to him.  
"Savannah eh? That's where my family is..and where my apartment is." Josh cautiously shared the last bit of information, looking at the attractive blonde out of the corner of his eye. "Could I wait with you for my plane…..I believe it is our plane actually."  
For a moment Usagi was quiet, over looking the scenery of Tokyo. The diamond engagement ring from Mamoru hung on a thin chain around her neck still. It was cold against her chest. Probably as cold as Mamoru's body right now. Her blue eyes stormed with trouble before she turned to face him with a bright smile. "Of course. Maybe I'll actually make it to my plane on time."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Luna! What are you talking about?!" The Inner Senshi and the other part of the cat counsel, Artemis cried out when they heard of the Princess's disappearance. Wrapping her arms around Chibi-usa, Makato, spoke carefully. "You mean to tell us that Usagi -Neo Princess Serenity- is missing?"  
The black cat shook her, "Not missing, she left. Usagi left her parents a note saying she was leaving Japan and not to worry." Luna gave an odd laugh-purr from her throat. "She said she'll "be alright"."  
"Luna this is not funny! Usagi is not missing! She may be almost mad from grief but she would never, ever leave Tokyo!" Rei jumped up, her infamous temper flaring. Minako frowned, looking to Ami who mirrored her troubled expression.   
"Rei, Makato, I don't think Luna would lie about this. It's too serious and when have we known Luna to joke about things like this?" Ami spoke softly, hardly above the din made by Rei and Makato.  
"Well what are we going to do?" Rei sat back down, still wearing her ritual robes. Incense from an earlier ritual still lingered in the temple's air.  
"I don't know Rei. Usagi needs time. She needs to go away for a couples days to…to deal with what's happened." Makato spoke carefully.  
"What so you say we should just say, oh yea let her run away?" Rei growled.  
"Can we do anything else?" Makato countered.  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  



	4. Nightmare

Chapter 3:  
  
Nightmares  
  
iNever shall I forget that night, BR  
the first night in camp, BR  
which has turned my life into one long night,BR   
seven times cursed and seven times sealed.BR  
-Elie Wiesel, Night pg. 32BRBR/i  
  
Usagi curled against Joshua's arm, falling asleep before much of the flight to San Francisco had passed. They would  
then connect to Savannah. Josh looked down at her, smiling at the resting teenager. Joshua had guessed and later   
found out she wasn't much younger than himself, they both were waiting for their 17th at the end of the month. Usagi, or Serena   
as she decided to change her name to after she got settled in the States had a different giving the impression of being not quite   
mature but more age, as if she lost something dear to her.   
BR   
Josh sighed, and looked out the window over Usagi/Serena's head at the sky below them. Or was it ocean? It didn't  
matter, both had the white sparkle of either wave tops or stars. Leaning his head back, he sighed, realizing that   
the treatment was a failure. Calculating in his head, Joshua felt scorching tears form behind his corneas. The HIV   
virus would probably finish him off before his 18th birthday. Unlike what he told Serena, he was sent here by his   
father to see if the Tokyo doctors had gotten any closer to the cure than the European doctors were. Although   
his father did not tell him, Joshua also felt it was because Joshua was a reminder of his fathers first wife who died   
when Joshua was 5 from AIDS. Not only did Joshua inherit his wife Caroline's chatlin hair, he possessed Caroline's   
soul-searching hunter green eyes. Contessa, Joshua's step mother had despised the dying Caroline and now,   
the dying Joshua. The corner of Josh's turned into a smirk, guessing that Contessa had arranged the entire trip   
so she could have time to convince his father to adopt Contessa brat kids. A slight shudder which stirred Serena   
passed through Josh's body when he thought of the twins, Brody and Annie. Even though they were angelic to his  
father, Brody and particularly Annie were beasts to Josh. Yawning, Josh shut his eyes and slept. BR  
BR  
BR  
  
"Sailor Moon! Watch out!" Sailor Mercury's anxious tone made Usagi turn and face her. With a startled cry, Sailor   
Moon barely had time to roll before the medusa-like monster threw the picnic table at her. Pushing herself off the   
macadam, Usagi looked for the other Senshi, her throat closing as she saw Sailor Mars attack the monster with Fire BeamMoon Beam Prism? attack. Beside the monster, perfectly in view of Sailor Moon and not Rei, was Tuxedo Kamen.   
"MAMORU!" Usagi ran towards them as the attack hit the monster. Mercury grabbed her, holding her back from the   
falling monster. Like a tree falling in the forest, Mamoru hardly had time to move before he was crushed by the   
monster. Sobbing, Usagi slid the ground. Usagi clicked her locket and reverted back into her school uniform. Ami  
was at her side, helping her up. "Usagi….Usagi…come on. The police are coming. If...if there is anything anyone   
can do, it's them. Lets go…go home." Ami, herself whose only connection to Mamoru was Usagi and the Senshi was  
near tears.BR  
Glaring through her wet eyes at Ami, Usagi consented to them lifting her and bringing her to the Temple. Lying on  
the futon bed, Usagi looked into the fire bleakly, the flames reflections not having color. BR  
BRBR  
"Usagi…I mean Serena...Wake up…you get to experience airplane food." Josh was smiling at Serena when she opened  
her eyes. Grinding the sleep from her pupils, she opened the shade Josh had shut during the night. Bright sunlight   
invaded the space and made Serena squint.BR  
"Should I be happy or cautious?" Serena returned the smile, her heart breaking from the dream. It was the same   
dream, the same moment every night. Serena wondered if she would ever have that moment leave her dreams.   
Serena knew her nights of peaceful sleep were over, her life an eternal nightmare. BR  
  



End file.
